To listen to the podcast Episode go to Ep. 235: Frumpy is a State of Mind – click here   It’s the start of a new year and you told yourself things were going to be different.  Yet as you emerge from your closet yet again feeling frumpy, frustrated, and frazzled, you decide something has to change.  Perhaps it’s more than your clothes that need an overhaul; it’s your mindset.   Frumpy is a word that means dowdy or old fashioned, and one that no midlife woman wants to hear, especially when it comes to her style.  Yet often women over 40 find themselves looking – and feeling – frumpy when they least expect it.   What can we do?  First, let’s understand what’s really happening. Frumpy is more than just your clothes.  It’s how you’re feeling.  Let’s explore why you may be feeling frumpy.   1/ Lack of Self-Care: You’ve put yourself on the back burner.  Everyone’s needs have become more important that yours, and your cup is empty.  Chances are you’ve neglected your health, your appearance, and your wardrobe, and it shows in how you look and feel.    Understanding that when we take time to fill our own cup, we have more to give to others.  Doing things for ourselves, especially things that we truly enjoy and desire, doesn’t take away from our family and loved ones, it gives back.    “The best form of self-care is giving yourself the love, validation and approval you’re desperately wanting from others.”   Take time to replenish your cup today!   2/ Negative Self-Talk: What is it you’re saying to yourself?  There’s a pretty good chance there are some negative criticisms running through your head and leaving you feeling pretty blah.  Are you berating yourself for gaining a few pounds over the holidays?  Are you beating yourself up for not keeping your new years resolutions?  Or are you simply telling yourself that you don’t deserve to buy new clothes, take that course, splurge on a new handbag or have a makeover?    This is negative self-talk is keeping you small and chipping away at your self-esteem, which can lead you to dressing in a way that expresses that feeling of unworthiness.   Start noticing what you’re saying to yourself.  Is it positive or negative?  Try complimenting yourself when you look in the mirror and notice what’s great about you!     3/ Low Confidence: Have you gone through life struggling with confidence?  Or did your confidence just simply evaporate over the past few years?  Either way, the good news is that you can get it back.  But first, you have to decide that you’re worthy of having it and start to see yourself as someone with confidence.   Confidence is not an emotion, it’s simply a feeling.  And our feeling can change based on what we’re focusing on.  Stop focusing on what’s ‘wrong’ with you and start noticing what’s right and see how your confidence can begin to soar!   4/ Resistance to change: Change can often be hard, and our knee-jerk reaction can be to want to get back to where we were.  Well, my friends, change is an inevitable part of life.  Yet when it comes to our bodies, we often can make ourselves ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ for having gained weight, or for changes that have taken place during menopause.    The truth is, our bodies are meant to change, and when we can embrace those changes and dress for them, then we can begin to see ourselves as beautiful.  Too many women are telling themselves they can’t buy anything new, or they can’t dress well because they’ve gained a few pounds.  They end up putting their style – and their life – on hold until they can ‘get back’ to where they were.    We’re not meant to live our lives backwards.  Life is meant to be lived forwards.  Embracing our evolving bodies is part of the process of living a peaceful and happy life, where we accept who we are at any given point in time.    It’s OK to go up a size in your jeans.  It’s OK to buy new clothes. You’re still worthy, beautiful, and amazing, no matter what you’re weight or size.  Act like it and you’ll snap out of the frumpy zone, stat!   5/ Stuck in a rut: Are you stuck in a rut?  I talk with many women who wake up one day and realize they’ve been doing the same thing, the same way, for a very long time.  And they’re not happy with the results.  Our wardrobe is usually where this shows up most.   Have you been wearing the same clothes for 5 years or more?  If you’re still reaching for the same pieces and wearing them the same way, day after day, it’s no wonder you’re feeling frumpy.  It’s time for a refresh and a fresh perspective when it comes to your style.   Take time to find a few new pieces that can elevate your tried-and-true pieces and breathe new life into your wardrobe.  You’ll find that simply shifting what you wear can shift how you see yourself.  And those feelings of frumpiness?  Well, they’ll quickly become a thing of the past!